Lately I feel that I'm really really not independent at all. No matter in whatever matter. School work, money, advices and etc. I just keep on depending on others. When can I be more independent. My FYP now cant find a solution for it as I'm just too weak in verilog coding and I don't really have the time to go read up more on it. Besides that I also don't really have the interest to spend more time in searching more info. I prefer someone to teach me. So that way I can finish my things faster and learn faster too. Seems that I'm too used to being spoon few during my primary and secondary school. Too much stress also now. Eating medication and its not working. Why am I pushing myself so hard? Can't I just relax? Of caused not. If I dun push myself now, who is going to take care of my expenses? I cant be depending on my parents all the time right? Now even what I want to learn and even eat also my parents have to subsidise me. Most of my friends are already working and able to stand on their own 2 feet. What about me? Haiz.
Pushing myself too much is also really bad for me. Putting stress on me physically and mentally will just make my SLE condition worst. Now I;m facing balding and protein leaking issues. Eating the medication is not helping also. Now can only depend on miracles to happen. But am I worthy of receiving this miracle since I'm just a bad guy. Don't care so much anymore. Better focus on my life now.