29.4.2007

a year ago on this day was my happiest day of life... she was the only girl that accepted me to be her bf... yet this relationship did not went long due to another guy that appear in her life before me... 2 days ago when i called to chat with her it seems that she had break up with that guy again but i could feel tat she still love him whereas she does not have any more feelings for me...its kinda hard for me to accept it but do i have a choice??? which girl would want a sick guy to be her life partner??? haiz... now my heart is still aching and wants her to come back to me... i just cant seem to forget her after 1 year when everyone say time will surely wash things away.... PAIN!!!!!!!!! is the only thing that i could feel now... physically and mentally........

Resorts World BHD

all of you sure wondering how did my interview went right... so here is the details....

got to wake up damn early(5.30am)... its very early for me because i haven been waking up when the day is still dark for i think half a year... din really want to wake up at that time but finally force myself to do it... so started the journey with my dad and it was a smooth one... till we reach the foot of genting highlands... wow the mist was so thick that we could only see half a meter in front of us... luckily my father is a very good driver so we reach the top within just half an hour from the bottom... we drove using the white lines on the road as guide line... finally add something to my driving knowledge...

so when i reach there it was just 8am... earlier half and hour.. i know i'm on a wheel chair so i needed to use a longer route than other participants... and i ended up using the kitchen lif to the room 16 and 17 of genting international convention centre... so when i arrive others start to reach too... ended up having 12 people there...

the interview started of with an ice breaker activity... then after that 2 late comers which are girls arrive... it seems they are currently working for genting... one of the girl is actually damn cute... too bad she din join in the ice breaker or else i would be able to know her better... (sorry no photos of her too... dare not curi curi snap) and then there was this group work where we have to come up with a building project for genting to attract more tourist... our group suggested to build an ice scating ring... so next time if genting really build it... it was our idea... haha... actually we won in this task as ours is more practical than the other group... lazy to elaborate on the other team cuz theirs is a complex theme park...

then it all comes to the serious part individual assesments... given 2 very simple task so they could know our personality... and then had to write 2 essays in 30 minutes.. essay also quite ok as the questions were just the normal kind.... now comes the interesting part(at least to me)... that cute girl i mention just now actually talked to me... she asked my name and where i came from... after i answered her i dunno y i din ask her back the same thing to keep the conversation going... i was like suddenly lost all confidence in myself and ended up losing this golden opportunity of getting her contacts... damn pissed of with my foolish thinking....... then later is my presentation.... waited for an hour just to wait for my turn as i was the second last one.... then went in and face the panels... luckily they asked me the questions that i had already expected which is about my sickness... so tried my really best to convince them that i really am worthy of receiving that scholarship...

so now i'm feeling that i have 50/50 chance of getting it... really hope i and that cute little girl will be offered the scholarship so that i could meet her again... oh pls god pretty pls.....

nervous

now i'm feeling very nervous... in the next few hours i'll be travelling with my dad to genting... have to leave house very early which is 6.30am... dunno can reach in time or not... hopefully the journey will be smooth... gonna spend at least 6 hours at genting... my father is going to the casino while waiting for me... hopefully he wont gamble much.... as for me have to try my best and get that scholarship... keeping fingers crossed...

apologies...

sorry for the lack of updates... didnt have the mood to write this few days actually... now force to write before my stories gather more and more....

ok first off... bout my operation last week.... some good things happen and some bad ones happen... the operation done changed from 1 leg to both legs... so this means i wont need to get admitted again for some time... YAY to me... haha.... but because i asked for both... things din went smoothly for the leg tat i ask them to do operation on.... it seems that when they are drilling using a guiding wire... the guiding wire some how broke inside me... so suai..... dunno is the doctor lousy or the tools not good... who should i blame leh... so i end up suppose to have just a 2 stitches wound becoming an eight stitches wound... after the operation it really hurt like hell man.. even after taking the so called pain killer tramadol... last time pain just at the hips... now pain till to the bone leh... plus some more the wound also pain... luckily the pain din lingger around for long.... so i was allowed to go back after i was able to stand in front of the doctors... and do u know wat they told me before leaving??? not to walk for 1 month in case i will fracture my own leg.... tat means i have to be on the wheel chair again... so inconvenient... have to be an OKU again.... hopefully everything will go well during this few months... then i should be normal again and be able to do the things tat i like...

on the day i arrive home.... i got a call from genting... looks like i'm chosen to go for an interview for a scholarship... the problem is its held in genting... i've got to travel so far for just an interview... and today i just received an email from them asking me to write an essay and prepare a 5 minute presentation... OMG... i sucks at presentation... who can give me some ideas??? i must touch on who are you? (Introduce yourself)What is your Dream? How can Resorts World Bhd help you make your dream come true... i really need help in this... haiz...

back again...

just got back home at 2pm today... online for a while today to see what i have missed for the past few days... will be blogging on my stay at the hospital this few days if i have the mood... signing off... :)

scared

counting down now to the time i'm gonna admit to the hospital.... time just fly by so fast... looks like i have to take a 'vacation' in the hospital again... real scared with what the doctors are going to do to me... too bad i have no choice but to accpet it if i wanna get better... looks like i'm gonna be all alone again... thats what i dislike and is afraid of.... hopefully i do get to ome back home again real soon...

tried out some thing new

haha today i finally tried something new by buying stuff online.... how did i do it??? by using my father's credit card... guess what i buy... its an old yoyo model... haha... had wanted to buy it for a long long time... recently only got the permission to use the credit card... but my father is going to be so angry when he found out how much i spend... its actually USD24... looks like a small amount right... but when change to malaysian ringgit it almost comes up nearly to RM100... cant wait for the thing to arrive.. have to wait about 1 or 2 weeks... really hope it can come real soon... the best is before i get admitted to the hospital next monday...


my craze for yoyo also really increase tremendously this few days... keep on practicing all day... almost finish the 30 basic tricks le... haha... at least its a good hobby for me... it makes me wanna stand and walk around when i play off string... yoyos nowadays are so expensive cuz its sold in USD... if u buy those cheap ones the quality not so good... so will waste money.. unless u're a collector lar... now i wanna save up my money and collect yoyos.... all those nice and good quality yoyo... this is the yoyo i like most... the stunt pilot...



thats all for now...

my name

What Darth Xintor Means

You are balanced, orderly, and organized. You like your ducks in a row. You are powerful and competent, especially in the workplace. People can see you as stubborn and headstrong. You definitely have a dominant personality. You are usually the best at everything ... you strive for perfection. You are confident, authoritative, and aggressive. You have the classic "Type A" personality. You are wild, crazy, and a huge rebel. You're always up to something. You have a ton of energy, and most people can't handle you. You're very intense. You definitely are a handful, and you're likely to get in trouble. But your kind of trouble is a lot of fun. You are a seeker. You often find yourself restless - and you have a lot of questions about life. You tend to travel often, to fairly random locations. You're most comfortable when you're far away from home. You are quite passionate and easily tempted. Your impulses sometimes get you into trouble. You are truly an original person. You have amazing ideas, and the power to carry them out. Success comes rather easily for you... especially in business and academia. Some people find you to be selfish and a bit overbearing. You're a strong person. You are incredibly sexy and sensual. You have a naughty vibe that no one can ignore. You have an unquenchable desire. And you are unrestrained in your passions. You have a tendency to be unfaithful. Whether you fight it or give in to it is up to you. You tend to be pretty tightly wound. It's easy to get you excited... which can be a good or bad thing. You have a lot of enthusiasm, but it fades rather quickly. You don't stick with any one thing for very long. You have the drive to accomplish a lot in a short amount of time. Your biggest problem is making sure you finish the projects you start. You are very intuitive and wise. You understand the world better than most people. You also have a very active imagination. You often get carried away with your thoughts. You are prone to a little paranoia and jealousy. You sometimes go overboard in interpreting signals. You are well rounded, with a complete perspective on life. You are solid and dependable. You are loyal, and people can count on you. At times, you can be a bit too serious. You tend to put too much pressure on yourself.

What's Your Name's Hidden Meaning?

another sad stuff

i wonder why my life now only revolve around all the things that i dont want... now another problem pop up which has something to do with my health.... that day did a MRI on both my hips to check why am i still having so much pain even after the infection is long gone... because of the pain i haven been able to live a normal life for half a year... damn long right??? living abnormally now... haha... ok back to the MRI report... now i'm diagnosed with AVN which stands for avascular necrosis... my femur head is dying.... i nvr thought when the bone is dying so much pain will be generated.... so how to cure it??? again have to get admitted to hospital for an operation... they are gonna drill holes into my femur in hope that new blood vessels will be generated so the bone could live again... it sounds scary right??? doctor say not much risk in this operation only the risk comes from the anesatic... this operation will only be done on my right leg 1st which is the more serious 1... next time will be the left.. that means i have to get admitted one more time later... wth..... the effect of this operation could be seen in 2 months... thats for normal people... people with SLE like me dunno will take how long... if longer than 2 months i will face another problem... because at that time i need to start my new university life... and if that time i'm still not fully healed... how??? why god must give me so many test and test me for such a long time.... feeling angry now...

so if the operation still fail and my femur head dies off... i will be undergoing a much more horrible operation... they will CHOP off the dead bone and put in an artificial 1... how SCARY is that... i really hope that i will not need to go through that phase... but i think my luck now isnt that good... dunno can avoid it or not....

last time i have been studying so hard for the past 13 years.... never had a chance to really stop down and rest... so i guess GOD finally want me to take a rest... and now i'm becoming more and more lazy each day.... only eat and sleep... then play yoyo for a while then back to lying down again... so unproductive...

recently got hooked up with yoyoing again... it may sound chilish to u all but to play yoyo well demands great skill... to bad now i cant move around so easily or else i would be able to continue learning more and more tricks where i left off 5 years ago....

stoping now... byez...