another sad stuff

i wonder why my life now only revolve around all the things that i dont want... now another problem pop up which has something to do with my health.... that day did a MRI on both my hips to check why am i still having so much pain even after the infection is long gone... because of the pain i haven been able to live a normal life for half a year... damn long right??? living abnormally now... haha... ok back to the MRI report... now i'm diagnosed with AVN which stands for avascular necrosis... my femur head is dying.... i nvr thought when the bone is dying so much pain will be generated.... so how to cure it??? again have to get admitted to hospital for an operation... they are gonna drill holes into my femur in hope that new blood vessels will be generated so the bone could live again... it sounds scary right??? doctor say not much risk in this operation only the risk comes from the anesatic... this operation will only be done on my right leg 1st which is the more serious 1... next time will be the left.. that means i have to get admitted one more time later... wth..... the effect of this operation could be seen in 2 months... thats for normal people... people with SLE like me dunno will take how long... if longer than 2 months i will face another problem... because at that time i need to start my new university life... and if that time i'm still not fully healed... how??? why god must give me so many test and test me for such a long time.... feeling angry now...

so if the operation still fail and my femur head dies off... i will be undergoing a much more horrible operation... they will CHOP off the dead bone and put in an artificial 1... how SCARY is that... i really hope that i will not need to go through that phase... but i think my luck now isnt that good... dunno can avoid it or not....

last time i have been studying so hard for the past 13 years.... never had a chance to really stop down and rest... so i guess GOD finally want me to take a rest... and now i'm becoming more and more lazy each day.... only eat and sleep... then play yoyo for a while then back to lying down again... so unproductive...

recently got hooked up with yoyoing again... it may sound chilish to u all but to play yoyo well demands great skill... to bad now i cant move around so easily or else i would be able to continue learning more and more tricks where i left off 5 years ago....

stoping now... byez...